Is marriage obsolete?

February 01. 2011, under Blogr with No Comments

The short answer is no. People get married for a variety of reasons. The most common can be separated into 2 categories: love or finance. History proves that marriage hasn’t always been about love. In many cultures it is common for people to enter a marriage as a contract with certain benefits to be gained by the groom and/or bride and then there are those that fall in love and marry. From 4,000 years ago to today, not much has changed.

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Everyone seems to want to get married, but why? We basically grow up knowing that it is expected of us to get married. Look at unmarried adults, they are frowned upon in many cultures no matter the reasons and in some countries it’s especially worse for women. Let’s look at the definition of marriage according to the dictionary.

marriage –noun
1 .a. the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc.
b. a similar institution involving partners of the same gender: gay marriage.
2. the state, condition, or relationship of being married; wedlock: a happy marriage.
3. the legal or religious ceremony that formalizes the decision of two people to live as a married couple, including the accompanying social festivities: to officiate at a marriage.
4. a relationship in which two people have pledged themselves to each other in the manner of a husband and wife, without legal sanction: trial marriage.
5. any close or intimate association or union: the marriage of words and music in a hit song.
6. a formal agreement between two companies or enterprises to combine operations, resources, etc., for mutual benefit; merger.
7. a blending or matching of different elements or components: The new lipstick is a beautiful marriage of fragrance and texture.
8. Cards . a meld of the king and queen of a suit, as in pinochle. Compare royal marriage.
9. a piece of antique furniture assembled from components of two or more authentic pieces.
10. Obsolete . the formal declaration or contract by which act a man and a woman join in wedlock.

How a person views marriage has a lot to do with their religious views and/or government. Religion is a big influence and the way governments officiate marriages says a lot about the options available for couples. In the Western World, European traditions have shaped what marriage is today in the Americas. There are still native rituals practiced among descendants of ancient civilizations but they’re not the most common, in most countries the customs have blended with the local culture.

How religions affects how we see marriage is a big issue discussed today especially with the separation of church and state in some countries and the equal gay rights movement. Looking at history I’m constantly disappointed in humanity’s evolution. The ancient city of Persepolis was a Persian capital that was known to tolerate and accept all religions, the hired help were really hired help, meaning that they weren’t slaves, and their laws were fairly straightforward, an eye for an eye. Today, it makes you wonder why is there so much intolerance to people that are different than you? I’m all about equal rights to everyone no matter their age, sex, race or creed.

Marriage as an institution is quite outdated and abused today. If it’s supposed to be a lifetime contract unless the terms are broken, why do some people rush into it?  Be it for love or gain, it’s a commitment that you’re making that should NOT be taken lightly. Divorce rates are appalling in the United States and the gay community is fighting for the same rights as heterosexual marriages. There are laws in the works that are striving towards certain equalities in the legal sense of marriage but the church is rejecting the idea of same sex marriage because of their moral beliefs. I understand the idea of procreation and what a family should look like according to your religious beliefs but part of being a devoted follower of a certain faith is respecting and loving your neighbour. You can’t expect me to believe that a man that hits his wife every week and threatens to kill her in front of his child is a better family structure than two men that love their adopted child and do everything for their kid. Do you see the distinction? Not everyone is meant to bear children, so giving away a marriage license just because a man and a woman can have kids is a concept I can’t understand. In fact, I think people should get a birthing permit and then a parent license. All sorts of tests should be administered and classes too. Maybe that way family life can be of a higher quality. Extremist? Maybe.

Many people that are dissatisfied with the way the church and government handle marriage opt to live together, be it because it’s a first step towards the next commitment be it legal or not. Some end up marrying but others don’t, but not everyone has the choice. In principle, laws are created to protect the people, sadly it doesn’t seem to be that way. The other day my Drawing professor was saying something about how there are more laws that protect properties than people. That’s pretty pathetic how a building has more laws protecting it than a person does. I truly believe that there should be a difference between law and religion, and in saying this I acknowledge that there should be a legal equivalent to marriage for any two people that are willing to commit to each other without their sexual preference being an issue. This includes the right to adopt. Why should a successful single female be more acceptable than two successful females wishing to adopt a child? An unmarried couple should also have importance in medical related things, if their other half is hospitalized, there should be a decency in allowing certain privileges that are reserved to their legal spouse. A piece of paper shouldn’t be used to validate the love you have for someone. It’s like a nurse asking a boyfriend, let me see your marriage license to see if you really love your girlfriend, and then you can fill out these forms and see her, and go through all the shit they make you do in the hospital. I read a depressing article once about a lesbian couple that went away on vacation and something happened that one of them was hospitalized and dying, the hospital wouldn’t let her girlfriend visit her because she wasn’t family or legal spouse. Apparently they were in a very conservative part of the United States. Basically the woman died without being able to say goodbye to the love of her life, even though she pleaded every waking moment. That’s just torture and inhumane, you can’t call yourself a Christian and do that.

Do I believe in marriage? I don’t believe in what the society I live in calls marriage, it’s a personal choice everyone has to make. My mother is a reverend, she’s married plenty of couples, including my brother and his wife. One of my sisters is divorced, so I’ve seen up close what that looks like. I think that marriage laws should evolve into something that works today because it always comes down to money. There’s a reason why gay couples are seeking acknowledgment as a marriage; taxes, insurance, bills, inheritance, medical and funeral issues, need I go on? There’s a lot of discrimination when it comes to interpretation of laws and it doesn’t help that people put too much emphasis into a social status and forget the most important things in a relationship. The whole parade that a wedding entails is unnecessary and absurd in my opinion. Of course we humans are social animals and like to show off. I didn’t have a quinceañero even though I thought I wanted one, so maybe I don’t want a wedding with the white dress. The wedding business is a mafia and it’s turned into another Hallmark holiday that must be given all your money and attention to when the time comes. People need to be honest with themselves and talk about what they expect from each other as a couple without denying their natures. If you are a man that can’t be a one woman man, then don’t marry a woman that expects you to be faithful, that just doesn’t work. Honesty and commitment are hard to grasp in a world where people treat others as disposable items. Marriage can be overrated, a piece of paper shouldn’t validate your feelings for someone and the church and government should respect that. Ultimately, marriage is a state of mind.